“what do you want to do for your birthday?”
it was a question i asked him a few weeks ago. i expected him to answer with something grand, it was his special day after all. but what i got was only a smile and a simple nothing. so i asked the same question a few days before his birthday, hoping this time he finally changed his mind. his response was still the same; a gentle head shake and a nothing. the third time i asked him was a day before his birthday. this time, i gave up and begged him to come up with something other than nothing. he chuckled at my whines.
“tell you what; you bring your favorite food tomorrow, i’ll take us somewhere.”
and here we were tonight; on this empty, rooftop parking lot with the view of buildings and city lights. i looked around in awe as i got out of the car, adoring the unfamiliar scenery. i never realized how exquisite this town was until tonight. i turned to him and joked about how it felt more like my birthday instead of his. he laughed it off and told me i was overreacting.
we sat down on the picnic mat that he had brought just for tonight, enjoying our meals inbetween laughters and smiles. easily by bruno major was playing on the radio car as i giggled at some embarassing memories from the past that he told. we lied down after finishing our meals, his arm around me as we gazed at the sky. he joked about how pointless it was because there wasn’t anything to look at up there except the moon and yet, we were still looking at it anyway. after all, the dark blue sky was the only witness to our celebration tonight. celebration of his birthday — and of us.
he raised his other hand up in the air, making me mirror his action and put my petite one beside him. he immediately linked his pinky finger with mine and laughed at how tiny it was compared to his.
suddenly, my mind replayed the very first moment we held hands. it happened unintentionally — i grabbed his hand when i got too excited about going to the aquarium. i tried to pull away a second later, but he smiled and intertwined our fingers instead. i remember blushing throughout the whole day.
the scene shifted to the time where we had our first fight. it was unexpected, at least for me. it happened in the car, right after our usual little argument. i guess i was very sensitive that day so i cried. i remember seeing him panicked and immediately pulled me into his arms. he cupped my cheeks a moment later, wiping my tears with his thumb — muttering an apology as i wept in his arms. it didn’t last long, but i remember crying so hard that his t-shirt got soaked. we laughed about it in the end.
i smiled to myself, remembering all the memories we have. my mind kept replaying them like they were some kind of a collection of movies. and if they were really made into movies, i hope there wouldn’t be an end to it.
as i continued reminiscing, a random question suddenly popped in my head.
“why did you spend your birthday with me? you could’ve booked a ticket and fly to paris.” i tittered when i realized my suggestion was a little out of nowhere.
he stopped playing with my hand and turned his head to look down. i looked back up at him to see an expression that i couldn’t read. he let out a sigh before bringing my hand down to his chest — his hand on top of mine as it stayed there to feel every beat of his heart. his eyes were now closed and i could see his lips forming a small smile.
“fly to paris?” he scoffed, as if it was the stupidest thing to do. “i’d rather be in your arms.”
hearing his response, my lips unconsciously curved upwards; resembling the crescent on top of us. i sunk deeper into his arms as i closed my eyes. his warm embrace never fails to make me feel safe. i would rather be in your arms, too.
i thought about how we ended up here. lying on the ground of an empty rooftop parking lot as the playlist i made for him continued to play on the radio car. i thought about the roads that led us here. to this day that i had never thought would come; to this day where i couldn’t imagine a life without him. the roads we took weren’t always smooth and flowery. there were bumpy ones, ones with T-junction where we had to make decisions, and even ones that separated us. there were times where our compass broke and we had to find a rest area. but in spite of them all, in the end, we still found our way back to each other. and if i was given a chance to take a different road, i would rather trust the broken compass and get lost instead. no matter how many times, how long it takes to get there, it will always lead me back to him — into his arms.
because in his arms, is where i’m supposed to be.
“happy birthday,” i whispered softly as my finger drew a heart pattern on his chest. he shifted a little and pulled me even closer to him — my head ended up falling to his chest. i could feel his soft lips lingered on the top of my head as he let out a muffled thank you.
in his arms is where i belong.
in his arms… is where i am home.
